In the last post we began our series on relationships by backing way up and looking at the theological foundation of all relationships: that we are relational beings because we are made in the image of God, who Himself, by His very nature as the triune God, is relational. We noted that the fact that we are male and female reveals to us the diversity within the unity of the triune God. We ended by noting that God does not need us in order to be fulfilled; He does not need a relationship with us in order to be a relational God because He has perfect fellowship within the three Persons of His triune being…and yet He chose to create us, and He created us in His own image.

This is the second theological pillar that must undergird our thinking on relationships: the wonderful truth that God, out of no necessity, created us in order to have a relationship with us. In Genesis 1:26–28 we read that

…God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness. And let them have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over the livestock and over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”

From this passage we note that it was the willful decision of the triune God to make man in His own image and likeness. A central part of this image is certainly the relational aspect of man. But this relational aspect of man was not meant only to display God’s glorious nature, the creation of man was for the purpose of relationship. We see this personal relationship take shape in Genesis 2, which is an elaboration on the creation of man in day six. While the first chapter of Genesis is like a full panoramic view of the creation; chapter 2 is more of a telescopic zooming in on the most important part of the picture. We know this because of the tolodot (Heb. תּוֹלְדֹ֣ת) literary marker in Gen. 2:4 (“this is the account” or literally, “these are the generations”). This marker is used to introduce the major divisions of this entire book (cf. Gen. 5:1; 6:9; 10:1; 10:32; 11:10; 11:27; 25:12; 25:19; 36:1; 37:2). Each one of these tolodots marks the outlining of the development of mankind and the various tribes of men, focusing especially on the line of Israel. So what we have in Genesis 2 is the first of these tolodot markers which sketches the beginning of all mankind. In Gen. 2:15–17 we see in this passage some very critical aspects which help to define our understanding of relationships:

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, “You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.”

First of all, we see that God communicated with man. Communication is basic to any relationship; if two people cannot communicate, it is very difficult for them to have a relationship! Secondly, we see that there were roles in the relationship. God made it clear to Adam that He was the Creator; Adam, was the created, and therefore Adam was to serve God. God gave the commands which Adam was to obey, and Adam would find delight in obedience to God. This brings us to a third aspect of this relationship: trust. Trust is the basic, foundational aspect of any good relationship; without trust a relationship falls apart. Trust is a like a boundary marker for a relationship. It’s like the lines on a basketball court or a baseball field which alert us to what is out of bounds and will cause damage or potentially even destroy the relationship if we cross those lines. Different relationships have different trust markers which define them. The trust marker of Adam’s relationship to God was made explicitly clear: it was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. That tree was the boundary of trust. Many believe that the tree was a marker for a probationary test of obedience, and if Adam and Eve had just obeyed long enough they would have been confirmed in righteousness and eventually would have not been able to sin any longer. But I don’t see any reason for this kind of speculation. God merely warned Adam that if He did eat of the tree he would surely die. If we understand the tree as a test, it was a test of relationship.

In Genesis 3:8 it appears that God had regular, personal fellowship with man in the Garden. And apparently this fellowship would have carried on to Adam and Eve’s children and their descendants because God had given him the command to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth.” Yet we see that this perfect fellowship was broken when Adam and Eve listened to the serpent and violated the boundary of trust. Adam was dependent upon God and obligated to Him; this was his nature and his role in relationship to God. And yet he chose to rebel against this nature and this role and to make himself his own god. As a consequence of this, man died. Adam and Eve began to die physically at that point, but far worse, they immediately died spiritually as they were cast out of the Garden and out of the presence of God. In that instant, sin infected all mankind, as Romans 5:12 tells us: “…through one man sin entered into the world, and death through sin, and so death spread to all men, because all sinned.”

But in the midst of Genesis 3, we find the first indication that God had a plan for rescuing man from the consequences of the Fall. In fact, the rest of the Bible is the story of God’s redemption of man. We see, then, that although the Fall broke man’s relationship with God, the recreation of man was for the purpose of relationship. Augustine’s famous line rings true for all men: “You have made us for Yourself, O God, and our hearts are restless till they find their rest in you.” God, who is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness” (Ex. 34:6) immediately made this possible, as we see in Genesis 3:15. God announced the consequences of sin first upon the serpent, whom He told, “I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and her offspring; he shall bruise your head, and you shall bruise his heel.” This is what theologians call the protoeuangelion, or the “first Gospel.” This was the promise of a Redeemer who would one day come to crush Satan and defeat sin and death and hell forever.

From here on out, God begins to deal with man in a gracious manner, calling a people to Himself through whom would come the Messiah, the Savior, who would reconcile men back to Him. As we mentioned, the tolodots of Genesis map out this choosing of a people, and God continues on throughout Scripture to tenaciously pursue a relationship with mankind despite their sinfulness. He makes covenants with them, he issues promises to them, and He acts for them. He gives them His law in order to show them their sinfulness and alert them to their need for a Savior. And ultimately, He sends that Savior who, as the “last Adam,” (1 Cor. 15:22, 45) was perfectly obedient, always doing what the Father commanded, perfectly fulfilling His role as the God-man. Through the new birth which we receive when we believe in Christ, we receive eternal life, the definition of which was given by our Lord Jesus Christ: “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent” (John 17:3). Eternal life is to know God, to have a restored relationship with Him. It is to no longer be His enemy (Rom. 5:10), but to be His friend (John 15:13-14). This new birth gives us entrance into the family of God (John 1:12) and introduces us into the transformational process of becoming more like Christ (Col. 3:9-10). All of this is summed up in 2 Corinthians 5:17-19:

Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. Now all these things are from God, who reconciled us to Himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not counting their trespasses against them, and He has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

What wonderful news it is to know that God is committed to a relationship with us and that by heeding His call for us to turn away from our own way and to turn to Him through Christ we gain eternal life, the essence of which is a relationship with the living God. This is what we were created for!

This may be a familiar expression whispered among children in Christian homes when dad and mom announce that it’s time to “gather ’round.” What kids don’t realize is that, while parents may not vocalize it, they have the very same angst about family devotion time. Especially for those parents who did not grow up in Christian homes (or grew up in Christian homes that didn’t do family devotions), this can be a very difficult or even dreadful activity. For those who have forged ahead and made it a regular habit, it may be somewhat easier, but few typically make it past a week or two before it fizzles out as the kids are sawing logs long before dad finishes his “brief” homily.

Why is something that is supposed to be so impactful often just the opposite? And why is something that the pastor makes sound so simple so hard? Why do dads who leave church on Sunday morning inspired to be leaders in their homes and moms who are starry-eyed about their husbands’ newfound zeal so frustrated by Monday evening? The basic answer to these questions is that there is simply a lack of understanding of what exactly you’re supposed to do for “family devotions.” You may see the value in family devotions, understand their impact, and be willing to invest the time, energy, and perseverance necessary to lead your family in this area. But every builder needs a set of blueprints and some tools in order to get started on a project, so let me walk you through a template for family devotions that I’ve come by through trial and error over the past several years.

1. Set a time to have family devotions. Schedules will differ from one family to the next, so find a time that works best for everyone. My kids are still young and we are all home at least three or four nights of the week, so we like to do it at bed time. Don’t be legalistic about this; learn to be regular but flexible. My rule of thumb is that, if we are home in the evening, we have what I call our ‘Bible Time.’ If we’re out, we skip it and simply say a quick prayer as a family before bed.

2. Read the Bible. This may sound like a no-brainer, but many parents with little children are afraid to read the Bible to them, thinking it will be over their heads. They look for the latest children’s story Bible, complete with pictures. I’m not saying that these are all bad, but there is something about reading the Scriptures just the way God had them written that is powerful. Maybe your kids don’t understand some things, but over time they will, and they will benefit most from hearing the pure, unaltered word of God from childhood (2 Tim. 3:15).

3. Use a devotional guide. This is not absolutely necessary, but it saves a lot of time in preparation and serves to keep your devotion times focused and interesting. A good devotional guide will list a passage of Scripture to read and provide some questions to ask your children. Some even provide a summary of the passage along with helpful illustrations. PVBC provides a weekly devotional that corresponds to what the children are taught in Sunday School, and as soon as it comes available from the publisher, we will have a daily devotion book. This can be an invaluable tool to help guide your family devotional time and follows the biblical pattern of the church coming alongside you as you bear the responsibility to “bring [your children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). You will also find that your children will be more involved since they already know something about the passage you’re discussing. If your children are older, you can follow the same format, but make the question and answer time more of a discussion. For another great devotional guide resource, check out Long Story Short and Old Story New by Marty Machowski.

4. Pray. Avoid short, rote prayers. This does not mean that your prayers have to be super-long, drawn out supplications that put mom to sleep along with the kids, but use this time of prayer to model for your children how to pray. Pray through a couple of points from what you read and discussed in the Bible passage, thanking and praising God for who He is and what He’s done, and confessing any sins that the passage has exposed about your family. Ask God to give all of you a heart of love for Him, and obedience to Him, and pray specifically for your children’s salvation. Pray for your pastor and the elders of your church, and pick a “missionary of the month” to pray for. Finally, pray for one or two pressing needs in the lives of your family and your church family. This sounds like a lot, but if your prayer is focused it should not be longer than 5-10 minutes. Dad should lead in prayer, but it is good to include mom in the prayer time as well, and if your children are older, allow them to pray, too (perhaps assign them particular things to pray for).

5. Sing. Yes, sing! This may be the most intimidating part of the whole deal for some parents, but Scripture commands us to lift our hearts and voices to the Lord in praise and thanksgiving (e.g. Eph. 5:19; Col. 3:16), and we need to teach our children to be comfortable with doing this. Not only this, but Scripture states that singing to one another is a form of teaching, and so through singing we are teaching and reinforcing the truths of the gospel that we are seeking to instill in our children. This means that we need to be careful to make sure that the songs we choose are not merely silly children’s songs (although I’m all about some of these!), but that the bulk of the songs are filled with substance. This is a great opportunity to familiarize our children with the great hymns of the faith. I like to pick a “hymn of the month” and that way we sing one song enough times that our children come to know it well.

6. Keep the focus on the gospel. In everything you do, from what you emphasize in the Bible reading, to prayer, to the song you sing, keep the focus of your devotion time on the gospel. This will keep your family’s attention where it should be, exalting God for who He is and what He has done, and declaring our great need for Him and the salvation He offers in the finished work of Jesus Christ. This is what your children need to hear consistently, it is what you need to be reminded of regularly, and it will keep your devotion time from lapsing into a cold, moralistic routine.

There are many different ways to do a family devotion time; these are merely suggestions to help you get started. Some families get very creative and elaborate; some stick to the basics. I suggest you start with the template I’ve suggested and then begin to add elements or change them up however you see fit. One of the things that our family has added the past couple of years is ‘story time.’ We wanted our kids to enjoy reading, and kids love it when you read to them. We decided that, if we were careful about what we selected to read to them, we could not only encourage them to be readers themselves, but further reinforce their faith at the same time. Reading about a chapter per devotion time, we have gone through the Chronicles of Narnia, and now we’re working through the children’s version of The Pilgrim’s Progress. If your children are older, you could read more advanced books, or maybe take turns reading. Once you get started with a regular family devotion time, it is really quite exciting to begin to think of ways to improve it. Wherever you are with family devotions, I pray that these tips will help you and your children move from dread to delight the next time you call the family together.

This summer in One28, we’re seeking to answer the question, “Why do we believe this?” or “Why do we do this?” I am excited about this series,  and  as I contemplated the idea, I was struck by the fact that the very act of asking “why” is a big part of our worship as believers in Christ. In his first epistle, Peter likened believers to “newborn babes,” calling them to “desire the pure milk of the word, that by it you may grow in respect to salvation” (2:2). At the close of his second epistle, he instructed believers to “grow in grace and the knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” (3:18). Paul states that he counted “all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord” (Philippians 3:8a). Repeatedly we are called and reminded to grow into the likeness of Christ, and that this growth occurs as we apply ourselves to knowing Him more. This happens as we ask questions, and the question “why” is of vital importance because it helps us to move beyond the mere acceptance of things we’ve been taught to personal conviction about these truths.

So there is a sense in which the question “why” keeps us seeking after the inexhaustible knowledge of God. But part of the proper worship of God is to make sure that what we believe about Him is indeed true, and the knowledge of God comes from His word which is not only true, but is the truth against which all things must be measured (John 17:17). Therefore, we want students to learn how to search the Scriptures for themselves, asking the question, “Why do we believe this?” or “Why do we do this?” Acts 17:11 commends the Bereans because they “were more noble minded than those in Thessalonica, for they received the word with great eagerness, examining the Scriptures daily, to see whether these things were so” (emphasis mine). When we think of the Reformers, we are grateful that they were bold enough to question why the church was teaching things that were not in accord with Scripture. And isn’t this precisely what our Lord Jesus did as a pattern for us all in His frequent questioning of the traditional practices which the Jewish leaders had elevated to the place that belongs only to Scripture (e.g. Matt. 15:3; Luke 12:57)? The church has been guarded from error from the very beginning, and whenever false teaching has crept in, God has always raised up those who, like their Lord, were relentless in the quest for truth.

Of course, there have always been those who are led off into error because they ask “why” with a wrong a heart attitude. Instead of sanctified curiosity, they approach everything they hear with self-righteous suspicion. They know enough to be dangerous and they are arrogant enough to believe that their particular take on that knowledge is superior to what the church has believed and taught for centuries. Therefore, when we ask “why” we need to check our motives carefully to be cautious of any theological novelty. But we also need not be afraid to humbly challenge things that we are taught which, through careful study, at least appear to be out of sync with Scripture.

With all this in mind, we must remember that asking “why” is only part of our worship. Worship is technically our response to what we have come to know about God. To know Him and what His will is for us and then to ignore it, or outright refuse to respond to it with the proper attitudes and actions is a mockery of worship! Jesus affirmed this when He asked, “Why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord’ and do not do what I say?” (Luke 6:46). Our prayer for our students is that they are spurred on to humbly ask questions and to learn how to find answers in God’s word, and then ultimately, to apply what they learn to their hearts and lives in order to truly “grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ” not only this summer, but for the rest of their lives.

There is nothing quite like a nice, big, juicy steak that has sat in a bag of delicious marinade for several hours before being grilled to perfection . Just a plain old steak with a little seasoning is not bad, but when it’s been soaked, every little nook and cranny of that hunk of beef has been filled up with savory goodness (sorry if you’re getting hungry, and if it’s any consolation, so am I).

Believe it or not, there is a parallel here to your quiet time. You see, the “I don’t feel like it” syndrome we addressed last time reveals that we are tempted to view quiet time like a spiritual “pill” that will give us the pep to make it through the day. Maybe that’s the case sometimes, but typically, we’ll have highs and lows and oftentimes won’t feel anything after quiet time. This is because time in the word and prayer is not necessarily meant to “pump you up” for the day, but to soak you in communion with God for the long haul.

The NT tells us that sanctification happens as we actively renew our minds (Rom. 12:1-2; Col.3:10). We are to soak our souls in God’s truth through reading it, meditating upon it, and praying it back to Him, and through this He begins to change us. This will not happen in one day, or one week. It will happen over the whole coarse of our lives. You see, spiritual growth is sort of like physical growth. My kids grow so slowly I don’t even notice it, but when I look at pictures of them from just a year ago I’m amazed at the changes that are so obvious!

So set your mind to marinate in God’s word each and every day and let God bring His changes in His time!

In his excellent book God in the Whirlwind, David Wells warns that:

“If we are not self-directed, we will be tumbled along by our culture. And that is when we will lose our ability to reflect on the deeper issues of life. Without this ability to stop, to focus, to linger, to reflect, to analyze, and to evaluate, we begin to lose touch with the God who has called us to know him”

I can’t think of a better way to describe this unique challenge for 21st century American Christians. It seems as though a big part of the fabric of our culture is to be busy, busy, busy. And this is not just for those of us who are dealing with jobs, bills, and car seats, but it affects students as well. Teenagers often get a bad rap in our society as lazy, video game loving, do-nothings (much of which is deserved), but this stereotype overlooks the fact that the average teen is really quite busy with productive activities like school, homework, sports, clubs, chores, jobs, and social activities. And of course, don’t forget the nagging pull of social media, TV, and a hundred and one other forms of technological gadgetry. Now, for a Christian student, add to all this the endless list of church services, Bible studies, and youth activities, and you start to get the idea of what we’re talking about.

What students (and all of us, for that matter) need on a regular basis is some time “to stop, to focus, to linger, to reflect, to analyze, and to evaluate” and of course, all of this is to be done in light of God’s word and through prayer. What we need is what many of us like to call “quiet time” when all distractions are laid aside, our Bibles are open, and our minds are clear to focus upon communing with the Lord. But as Wells notes, this does not just happen; it takes self-direction. And in my many years as a youth pastor, this is always the sticking point. I often feel like a cowboy with a cattle prod, looking for fresh new ways to motivate students to have their “quiet time.”

What’s wonderful is that all along the way, as I have “prodded” the students who sit across from me, I have recognized more and more my own wrong thinking about quiet time which has led me to develop some insights into some of the challenges that face all of us in this regard, along with some (hopefully) helpful tips for how to have a regular, meaningful part of the day to “be quiet.” I look forward to sharing these with you…

Last time we noted David Wells’s astute observation that in our day and age, “if we’re not self directed we’ll be tumbled along by our culture…” Growing up in the desert I saw a lot of tumbleweeds, so I get a familiar visual when Wells uses the term “tumble.” In the same way tumbleweeds are blown whichever way the wind carries them, we 21st century American Christians are led about from one distraction to another…unless we’re “self-directed,” which a nice way of saying “self-disciplined.” In other words, if you don’t discipline yourself, you’re at the mercy of life’s distractions, and therefore the chances that you’ll have a consistent quiet time (or even one at all) are pretty slim.

Wells is on to something here that is biblical. In fact, it’s exactly what Paul told young Timothy: “discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness” (NASB). That word “discipline” or “train” (ESV) is where we get our English word gymnasium. It was a term used of athletes and it meant to run or train unhindered. Just as sports are popular in our day, the Greek games were a hit in Paul’s, and so he used athletic terminology to illustrate aspects of the Christian life. Several times he spoke of the Christian life as a race, and here he tells Timothy (and us by implication) that if we’re going to grow in Christ-likeness, it is going to take some spiritual sweat! We all understand how hard professional athletes work. They train relentlessly to be the best they can be, and this obviously takes discipline. They have rigorous routines which demand focus and sacrifice. This is the picture Paul is painting for us when it comes to the Christian life. He’s saying, “give it all you’ve got in order to be more like Christ!” If we were honest, the fact of the matter is that we typically give it our leftovers – after the distractions of life have drained us dry.

So what is the first step in having a consistent and productive quiet time? Get disciplined! Yes, it’s really that simple. Set a time. Set a place. And then discipline yourself to make it happen. Of course, there’s more to it than that. But it’s the place to start.

An obvious obstacle to a consistent and productive quiet time is the distracting nature of our culture. But a big part of the wind of distraction that blows us about and keeps us from being self directed is our feelings. I don’t know how many times young people have asked me what to do if they don’t feel like having quiet time. I get it. It’s that false sense of piety in each of us that makes us feel like hypocrites if we were to spend time with the Lord “when our hearts are not in it.” But something I’ve learned through the years is that this is the same sort of excuse I use when I don’t want to work out. I’ve avoided a lot of push ups  with the words, “I don’t feel like it.” So, in reality, when we say we don’t feel like doing devotions, we’re really just making an excuse and then justifying that excuse with our false piety.

The fact of the matter is that feelings come and go, they wax and wane. They’re as inconsistent as my golf swing. They’re influenced by how much sleep you’ve had, how much coffee you’ve consumed, whether or not there were too many mushrooms on your pizza, and so in and so forth. And let’s be honest – we may be born again, but we’re still battling sin that is more often than not so subtle that we’re deceived by our own selves. So even though there is certainly not an exact parallel between the two, my advice for students who don’t feel like having a quiet time is the same as my advice for myself when I don’t feel like getting off the couch to get some exercise: forget about your feelings and just do it (thank you Nike for that one)!

With all that said, God has designed us to be creatures of habit. It takes about 2 seconds to make a bad habit; it takes much longer to form a good one (about 21 days, according to some authorities). And if you’ve ever stuck with something long enough, you know that once you get over the hump you actually begin to enjoy the habit you’ve formed (like me when I started to realize that I would not die when I ran farther than around the block). The more I stick with my quiet time, the more I crave that time…it’s funny how that works.

Now, with that said, I don’t want to give false hope that this will be the case every single quiet time after number 21. Sometimes you won’t feel like having time with the Lord still. And sometimes you will do it and you won’t feel anything. Instead of giving up or doing it and then feeling like a hypocrite because you didn’t get all stoked, just keep doing it. Why? In his power-packed little book, Humility, C.J. Mahaney states that he  does not always feel jazzed when he finishes his quiet time, but he notes that “the very act of opening my Bible to read and turning my heart and my mind to prayer makes a statement that I need God.” This declaration of dependence is what we need beyond all else. So dispense with the feelings and get to it!