Some time ago our youth group took a mission trip to help a newly planted church with a Vacation Bible School program, and in order to haul all of our equipment we needed to be able to tow a trailer behind the church van. However, the van was not equipped with a hitch. So, we got some quotes on what it would cost to install one, and long story short, our precious church van, after being single for 16 years, finally got hitched! Now that’s funny because it’s ridiculous…but what is not funny at all is the fact that in our world today marriage is being reduced to something that is really that absurd. Today, we are facing the reality of legislation having been passed which requires the legal recognition of so-called “same-sex marriage.” With the constant push to erase any sort of distinction between the sexes, we now hear reports of people wanting to marry their pets, trees, and even buildings. This is how ridiculous our culture is becoming. But we shouldn’t think that it is only within the past few years that marriage has been under assault. While virtually all cultures have always had some sort of formal recognition of marriage (which serves as a testament to its divine origin), there have always been aberrations of it. In ancient times it was the practice of polygamy (a man having multiple wives). This is what many of the kings of Israel and Judah were known for; including the good ones like David and Solomon. Throughout the centuries cultures have practiced not only polygamy, but polyandry (a woman having multiple husbands). Adultery, fornication, incest, pedophilia, abortion, and other immoralities have always been factors warring against marriage. The stability of this institution which we enjoyed in our country several decades ago was generated by our Judeo-Christian heritage which upheld the institution of marriage and looked down on divorce. But what was known as the ‘new morality,’ which reduced the Christian ethic to so-called “love,” meaning that it does not really matter what you believe or do as long as you follow the golden rule of loving your neighbor as yourself, began to bear its ugly fruit with the sexual revolution of the 1960’s. The baby boomer generation began to rebel against the morality of their parents’ generation, embracing with full force this ‘new morality,’ and thus fornication became rampant, adultery became not only acceptable, but encouraged, and by 1970, the state of California became the first to sign into law the “no-fault divorce,” meaning that a person could file for a divorce without declaring any wrongdoing by the other spouse. When you look at the state of marriage today, from a merely human perspective it seems likely that within the next decade or two marriage may be a thing of the past, or at least something that has been so radically redefined that we may as well not even call it marriage any longer. Nevertheless, regardless of what our culture or country does, marriage will not cease to exist until God says it does because marriage belongs to God, not man. You see, man did not create marriage; God did. It was a gift to man from God and a means by which God intends to fulfill His purpose for all creation. We see this clearly all the way back in the second chapter of Genesis.

In our study of relationships we have gone back to the beginning, and we have seen that man was created in the image of God, and therefore is a relational being because God, by His very triune nature is relational. We have noted that man was created for a relationship first and foremost with God, but that he was also created for a relationship with others. This is the very reason God created woman out of man–to be a companion and helper for him. What we’re interested in now is the relationship of marriage: the ultimate relationship. By this designation, we mean that marriage is the one relationship in the world that is the most unique and intimate possible among mankind. The ultimate relationship of any person is of course with God, but next to this is that of marriage. With this in mind, let’s take a look at how Scripture defines marriage.

Marriage is a Divine Institution. By “divine” we mean that God is the One who instituted marriage, not man. We’ve already mentioned this, but it’s important that we see it in the text of Scripture. Genesis 2:24 states:

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Our Lord Jesus Christ affirmed this when He stated in Matthew 19:4–6:

…He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Marriage may be recognized or conducted differently by different societies, but it is God, not man, who gets to define it, for it is His institution. This is very important because we need to be clear about government’s role in marriage. Romans 13:1–7 states that the government is established by God and that governing authorities are the servants of God, and therefore we understand that government is part of God’s common grace to uphold justice and order in society. If this is the case, not only does the government lack the right or authority to redefine an institution established by God, but when it endeavors to do so, it is actually abandoning the very purpose for which it exists since the family which is built upon marriage is the basic building block and source of stability of all societies. So when the government calls us to recognize so-called “same sex marriage,” we as Christians must respectfully reject that notion (Acts 5:29).

Marriage is a Union between One Man and One Woman. Last time we saw from Genesis 2:18 that God declared it was “not good for man to be alone.” God’s solution to this was to make Adam a helper who was “suitable” or “fit” for him–perfectly corresponding to him. But what is wonderful is that this perfect companion was not exactly like him; she was female. She was formed from Adam while he slept, and when she was presented to him he declared, “This is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh; She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man” (v. 23). Then in verse 24, Moses, the writer of Genesis, follows up Adam’s declaration with a statement which is the basis of marriage. This verse begins with the word “Therefore,” which points the reader back to what came before. What Moses is saying is this: On the basis of the fact that God created woman out of man for the purpose of being his suitable companion and helper, it is God’s design that a man and woman be joined together in the “one flesh” union of marriage.

Many understand “one flesh” to be speaking merely of the sexual union which is a part of marriage, typically including children who may come as a result of the union. But while the sexual union is certainly a part of this, and resulting children is one of the purposes of marriage, “one flesh” goes far beyond this. In the previous post we noted God could have simply spoken the woman into existence like He did much of the created universe, but instead He fashioned her out of the man’s rib. This was by design, in order to show the close connection between the man and the woman which is brought out by Adam’s declaration of “bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh.” The “one flesh” union in marriage is, what some have called, the reuniting of two into one. This union is one of mind, body, and spirit, bringing a married couple together in such a way that two people really become one together in a relationship more intimate than any other possible. Marriage is about companionship, but not mere companionship. It is a corresponding, complementing companionship; one in which the man is completed perfectly by the woman. This is the reason same-sex “marriage” is not marriage at all, because two people of the same sex can never complete and complement each other the way God designed. This is extremely important o understand not only on a theological level, but a practical one, because when married people say that their spouse is their “best friend” they should not be trying to be cute or sappy: this is the way it should be by the very design of God! Too often the careful fostering of practical oneness in marriage is hijacked by husbands choosing to “hang out with the guys” too much or wives having too many “girls’ nights out.” Friends of the same sex are very important, and those relationships should be fostered, but if you are married, your closest friend should be your spouse.

Marriage is the Establishment of a Family. We’ve been mentioning this all along, but again, we need to establish it in the text. We notice again in verse 24 that the man leaves his father and mother and “holds fast to” or “cleaves” to is wife; and they become “one flesh.” The word “leave” really has the idea of “forsaking.” This does not mean that a man has to reject his parents and never see them again in order to get married, but that he makes a clean break with them. In other words, he cuts ties with them to start his own family; he leaves their authority and becomes the head of his own household. It seems that this is the same for the woman, but the man’s role is more active than hers because she leaves the authority of her parents to come under submission to her new head, who is her husband (Eph. 5:22-24). We notice further that the man not only leaves, or forsakes his father and mother, but he “holds fast” to, or “cleaves” to his wife. “Cleaving” means to “cling to.” It speaks of loyalty and affection, and is really a covenant concept. What this means, then, is that the husband pledges himself to his wife and becomes responsible to love her exclusively. Again, the woman likewise leaves her parents and pledges herself to the man in exclusive loyalty and affection. As we noted above, the “one-flesh” concept relates this idea of loyalty and affection not only with the sexual union, but with the couples’ mind and souls, united as one. Many have rightly called marriage a “leaving, cleaving, and weaving” of two lives together.

Marriage is a Life-long Covenant. As we noted, “cleave” is a covenant term. It was used by Moses to describe Israel’s covenant relationship with Yahweh (Deut. 4:4; 10:20). A covenant is a promise, a pledge of one’s loyalty to another; and the pledge in Genesis 2:24 is no less than this. It is the promise of one man to one woman and one woman to one man for life. This is why couples say vows to each other at their wedding ceremony, and this is why traditional vows say something like:

“I, ___, take thee, ___, to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part, according to God’s holy ordinance; and thereto I pledge thee my faith [or] pledge myself to you.”

I’m fine with the new fad of couples making their own vows to one another–as long as they say pretty much the same thing as this! These vows should be said publicly before witnesses and should be celebrated as has been traditionally done here in our country because they are sacred. You can see why God says, “I hate divorce” (Mal. 2:16 NASB), and why our Lord Jesus said, “what God has joined together let no man separate” (Matt. 19:6). We must remember that God allows divorce only when one spouse has been repeatedly and unrepentantly unfaithful or when an unbelieving spouse chooses to abandon his or her believing partner (Matt. 19:9;  1 Cor. 7:15). As some have said, while “divorce is not always sinful, it is always the result of sin.”

Marriage belongs to God. It may be and should be recognized by man, but it may not be redefined or discarded by men at their whim and wish. It is the ultimate human relationship because it is the most intimate and unique relationship possible among mankind, and because it is such, it is the ultimate illustration of Christ’s relationship to His bride, the church. We’ll talk more about that glorious truth in the following post.

After a short lull in festivities following Halloween, the next major event on everyone’s mind is Christmas. The retailers have been ready for weeks already, but now the typical American is thinking of decorations and Christmas music, and of course, this year, Star Wars. “But what about Thanksgiving?” you ask. Well, we still look forward to it as well, but for most, Thanksgiving has long taken on the same status as Memorial Day: a day off with family (oh, yeah, and yummy food…and football). But the real meaning behind the holiday is all but forgotten, being evidenced by the fact that many now refer to it not as ‘Thanksgiving’ but ‘Turkey Day.’

You may remember the great story of the first Thanksgiving you learned in elementary school about Squanto and the Pilgrims, but it wasn’t until 1863, in the midst of the Civil War, that president Lincoln made Thanksgiving a national holiday, calling on the nation to entreat God for His divine care to a hurting nation. From that first Thanksgiving celebration to its official recognition, Thanksgiving has been ingrained into the fabric of our country long before it itself had been recognized as such. In the early days, it was certainly called ‘Thanksgiving’ because it was a way for people to come together in order to thank God for His innumerable blessings. The Pilgrims well knew God’s providential care in their lives, and despite horrific difficulty and loss, they turned their hearts toward God with gratitude.

While Thanksgiving may be nothing more than another festivity on the calendar for most today, to Christians, it should be much more than that, for thanksgiving is at the very heart of our worship. In fact, the Bible reveals that a lack of thankfulness is at the heart of all who reject the one, true God who has revealed Himself to them (Rom. 1:21). Repeatedly, Scripture calls us to be thankful. Take Colossians 3:15-17, for example:

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

That’s a lot of thankfulness in just a few verses! Obviously gratitude is something that is vital to the Christian life. And while we are typically prone to be thankful only when times are good and we have an abundance, 1 Thessalonians 5:18 reminds us to “give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” It is God’s will that we be thankful at all times in all circumstances – the good, the bad, even the ugly! But just like anything God commands, He also supplies. Thankfulness flows out a of a heart that is filled by the Spirit of God, who produces within us the fruit of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithful, gentleness, and self control (Gal 5:22-23a).

So how can we cultivate thankfulness? Well, the context of Colossians 3:15-17 is the believer’s response to his union with Christ. It is about what we are to do since Christ died for us. We are to put off old, sinful habits and put on new, godly ones in their place, and one of the glaring characteristics of the flesh is the propensity to grumble and complain. But the Christian is not only commanded to put off this tendency (Phil. 2:14), and commanded to replace it with thankfulness (as we have noted above), and even given the empowerment to do so through the Holy Spirit, he has been given the greatest motivation possible. When we think for just one moment about what we deserve for our sin against a holy, righteous God (see Rom. 6:23), and then think about what God has done for us in sending His Son to die in our place, instead of us – taking on all our guilt and shame and paying for it in full at the cross and then crediting to us His own perfect righteousness so that God can declare us not only innocent, but justified in His sight, what other response can we possibly have but thankfulness?! This is the very reason God commands us to “be thankful in all circumstances,” because no matter how difficult those circumstances may be, we are citizens of heaven (Phil. 3:20)! And when we turn our minds away from our difficulties and just for a moment force ourselves to think about the many blessings God has given us, we should be overwhelmed.

Perhaps this Thanksgiving could be a time for you and your family to refocus your attention on God’s goodness to you in sending His Son and providing all your needs. Some years ago our family endeavored to make Thanksgiving such a time, and so we began a family tradition we call ‘The Journal of Thanks.’ It is very simple, really. We have a typical journal that is reserved for one day of the year, and we spend some time going around the table, allowing each member of the family to state what he or she is thankful for over the course of the year. Mommy is the scribe, and this is helpful because we can read her handwriting and that makes it possible for us to spend some time reading the entries from the previous years. We’ve amassed several years now, and it is always amazing to read back through that journal and be reminded of the way our God has providentially watched over us and provided for us in our journey of life. Whether or not you have a similar tradition, I pray you will take time this Thanksgiving to rise above the smell of the turkey, the roar of the football game, and the stories of Uncle Bob, and give genuine thanks to God for all His blessings, especially for “His inexpressible gift” (2 Cor. 9:15)!

If you haven’t noticed, Halloween is getting more and more popular these days. The National Retail Federation projects that Americans will spend over $6.9 billion dollars on costumes, decorations, and candy this year. There has been a steady increase in Halloween participation and spending over the past several years, so much so that some have asked if it is “the new Christmas!” Every year Christians (especially those with kids in the home) face the dilemma of what to do about Halloween, and the fact that it has taken on the status of a virtual national holiday does not make it any easier.

Opinions of Halloween are found along a wide spectrum among Christians, from those who see it as nothing but a purely pagan celebration of evil in which the Christian has no business participating, to those who view it as an Americanized holiday for fun and candy – as innocent as apple pie. These opposing opinions become more polarized when pastors and bloggers take it upon themselves to address the subject dogmatically and declare it either “clean” or “unclean” for believers. The default for many Christians is to stay home, turn out the lights and pretend that nothing is going on outside. Many churches hold some sort of “Harvest Festival,” seeking to provide a Christian alternative. Others hold a “Trunk or Treat” which is basically the same thing without the fuzzy title. So what are we to make of Halloween? Should we participate or not participate? Should we ignore it or find some alternative? And how do we shepherd our children in regard to it when it seems that everyone at school (even the Christian school) is going trick-or-treating this Saturday? Well, the issue is complicated, just like all of life is complicated because of sin, and God calls us to think. It is not an option to bury our heads in the sand when it comes to Halloween.

A brief survey of the origins of Halloween will certainly cause any Christian to cringe. Its beginnings were far from holy, and some of the practices carried on today are indeed rooted in pagan rites (but then again, so are some of the practices of our modern Christmas holiday). Most of the confusion over all our modern holidays has come as a result of Roman Catholicism’s Christianizing of pagan celebrations in a vain attempt to redeem them, and Halloween is probably the most convoluted of all because it does not have any direct Christian affiliation (as with Christ’s resurrection at Easter). This is not to mention the profuse mysticism and perpetual false teachings of the Catholic Church that only serve muddy the waters even further. The fact of the matter is that in our 21st century American culture, materialism has trumped all vestiges of pagan roots and Catholic redefinition, so that the average American doesn’t even know (or care) about all of that history. We live for the moment, for the thrill, for the fun. Let’s be honest, any excuse to have a ten-foot-tall blow-up monster in your front yard and to fulfill your inner longing to dress up like Batman without people thinking you’re a complete weirdo is pretty cool! And don’t forget about the candy!!! So in reality, much of what our culture does at Halloween (or Christmas or Easter, for that matter) has virtually no meaning at all.

With all of this in mind, the question of whether or not a Christian should participate in Halloween to whatever degree comes down to an issue of conscience (see Romans 14:1-12). The real question is how are you going to participate or not participate, and how you will communicate your convictions to your children. Here are some guidelines that may serve to help you in making these decisions. For those who choose not to participate, you need to explain to your children the reasons why in a thorough, understandable way, pointing them to Scripture. You also need to help them understand that while Christians are commanded to make wise, discerning judgments, we must always beware of the danger of falling into judgmentalism in regard to other Christian families who choose to participate.

For those who choose to participate in some sort of alternative, you will need to give your children the same lesson about the difference between judgment and judgmentalism. If you choose to participate in the standard trick-or-treating holiday, you need to explain to your children the danger of rejoicing in evil. It is never wise for Christians to celebrate death or evil either with decorations or costumes. There are plenty of good, wholesome options for costumes that do not glorify horror or death, and you can save decorating for Christmas. You also need to point your children to Scripture in this regard, showing them why there is a distinction in the way your family will participate in Halloween and the way other families choose to do so. Obviously you’ll need to give your children boundaries and warn them of the practical dangers associated with trick-or-treating. If they are small, it is always best to accompany them.

Regardless of how Christians choose to participate in or abstain from the festivities of Halloween, we are often so caught up in the dilemma that we forget about the awesome opportunity this day affords for evangelism. I believe it is providentially ironic that October 31st is also Reformation Day. On this day in 1517, Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of the castle church in Wittenburg, Germany, sparking the Protestant Reformation, recovering the glorious gospel of Jesus Christ which had been sorrowfully perverted by the Roman Catholic Church for centuries. Why not redeem this day for the gospel in the spirit of the Reformation? It does not take long to recognize the golden opportunity we have to place a gospel tract in the bag of every trick-or-treater who comes to our door or participate in some sort of tract-giving evangelistic event. Christians who do not wish to participate in Halloween could make it a ministry night involving the entire family. All you need to do is secure some good, gospel tracts (check out www.livingwaters.com for some great, affordable options or ask your church if they provide them), buy some candy (hey, don’t be a killjoy!), and have a fun family night interacting in a kind, loving way to the world at your doorstep while giving them the gospel. As a friend recently reminded me, it is the only time of year you can do this and even get a “Thank you” in response every time! If you choose to participate in Halloween, you could take tracts  with you and give them to people as your own “Thank you” for the candy you receive and even pass them out to other trick-or-treaters along the way. I would even go so far as to encourage churches to ditch the “Harvest Festival” or the “Trunk or Treat” and simply hit the town, posting teams of people in strategic places to hand out gospel tracts. Our church has done this for a number of years with great success, distributing literally thousands of tracts each year. Whatever you do, think through how you can redeem October 31st for the gospel!

We were all saddened to hear this past week about the Cam High student killed outside his home by a hit-and-run driver, and yet another young man who was stabbed to death outside a Taco Bell on Flynn road. Two tragic deaths of two teenage boys within days in the same community is heartbreaking, not only for the families of these boys, but for the friends, teammates, teachers, faculties, and countless others whom these young lives touched. Whenever we hear of tragic events like this, it causes us to ask the ultimate questions of life.

As sad and paralyzing as these events may be, those of us who know Christ must remember that we have answers. We may not have all the answers; we may not be able to explain specifically why a particular tragic event occurred, but we have ultimate answers nonetheless. We know that tragedy and death are a result of the Fall and the general curse of sin upon mankind and upon the world (Gen 3). We know that God is always good, and even when life does not make sense, He is still in control of all things and permits things to happen for His sovereign purposes, and that He has promised that He “causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Rom 8:28). But beyond these ultimate truths, we know the good news that, despite the curse of sin, God has made a way for sinners to be reconciled to Himself and to one day enjoy a new heaven and new earth in which there will be no more death, no more mourning, no more crying, and where we can enjoy unbroken fellowship with God forevermore (Rev 21:1-7).

Despite all they know, oftentimes Christians feel like they are not equipped to help in times of tragedy. “That’s for the experts – pastors and counselors, but not me – what do I have to offer!” they say. But if you know Christ, you are more than equipped to be a source of help and comfort when those around you face tragedy – and sometimes you are the only person who is in a position that can really make a difference. Sometimes God puts those who feel the least adequate to help in a position which forces them to step out on faith and be bold for the sake of the kingdom (see Esther 4:13-14; Proverbs 17:17). Whether you’re in that position now or not,  at some point in your life you more than likely will be. So let me encourage you with a few points on how to help others who are grieving.

1. Be quiet! Oftentimes we start speaking because we don’t know what else to do, and even though the things we’re saying may be true and may be helpful at a later time, people who are dealing with the initial shock of tragedy don’t need someone to ram the sovereignty of God down their throats! What they need is a shoulder to lean on. You may remember that Job’s friends did a good job of this initially. Having heard of Job’s troubling circumstances, his three friends came “to sympathize with him and comfort him” (Job 2:11). They wept with him and then “they sat down on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights with no one speaking a word to him, for they saw that his pain was very great” (v. 13). We can take a lesson from these guys at this point. They simply were there for their friend for a time, sharing in his pain (cf. Rom 15). The primary way to do this is to try to put yourself in the person’s shoes. You may realize that in a particular circumstance, that will not be hard for you to do because you’ve experienced something very similar. We must be careful to remember that no matter how identical our experiences, we can never completely understand the experience and feelings of another person, but God in His wisdom will oftentimes orchestrate circumstances to give His people the opportunity “to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Cor 1:4)

2. Listen. There came a point after a week of quiet grief that Job began to speak, and what he said was pretty depressing. Even as a strong believer, out of the midst of his despair his words were not gleaming with the theological realities he knew to be true at the core of his being (although some of these came out later). Job was venting his frustration and agony, and that is common for people who are facing tragedy. Job’s friends did well listening for a short time, but it was not too long before they opened their mouths. They probably would have done well to listen for a while longer before jumping in. We need to learn how to be good listeners, giving people time to get their feelings out and trying to identify how we can specifically encourage them and perhaps even gently correct their thinking when the time is right.

3. Pray. After you’ve been quiet and wept and listened for a while, you’ll earn the right to be heard by the one who is
grieving. And at this point, it is right for you to speak (see Proverbs 25:11). However, the first words out of your mouth ought not to be directed to the person, but to God. Prayer is not only an act of dependence upon God, it is an act of love when it is offered on behalf of someone else. Prayer will draw the other person’s attention to God and your words of faith and dependence upon Him will be the most comforting sort you could initially speak.

4. Speak. After prayer, it is appropriate to speak directly to the person. However, what you say is very critical. You want to make sure that your words are gracious, compassionate, encouraging, and truthful. This is where Job’s friends went all wrong. Rather than offering words of comfort, they increased Job’s sorrow by hurling accusations at him. Not only did this reveal their real lack of compassion, but their wrong theology. They, like most people of that time, believed that God brought tragedy upon individuals as punishment for their own personal sin, and so they set out on a quest to get Job to come clean about some hidden sin that must have been the cause of his calamity. Job’s friends were not only wrong about Job (see Job 1), but their theology was wrong in general. When we speak, we must be careful about how we say things, and we must make sure that what we say is true. It is right to gently correct a person’s understanding of their circumstances in order to lead them to the truth that will provide hope, but it is never right to beat broken people over the head with sharp words, especially words that carry flawed theology! The driving content of what you say needs to be hope, because hope is what a person facing tragedy needs. Certainly the gospel is the ultimate news of hope, and in a tactful way, it is always wise to share the good news of Jesus Christ to a person who is has been stricken by tragedy.

4. Ask questions. Just as we struggle to keep our mouths shut initially when we arrive on the scene of tragedy, we have trouble containing ourselves when we begin to speak at the appropriate time. Typically broken people are not very responsive, even to the most profound truths, and so we may have the tendency to rattle on in an extended monologue, looking for a response. A better tactic that will help draw out the person’s feelings is to ask good, open-ended questions and then give him time to answer (Proverbs 20:5). Again, be a good listener and follow up on their answers with more specific questions. This dialogue is healthy for them, and it will keep you from becoming a further source of pain rather than a source of comfort!

5. Commit for the long haul. Sometimes people feel like they’ve listened all they can and said all they know and thus they have nothing left to do or say or offer. If you’ve reached this point, you’ve probably overstayed your welcome. You need to be sensitive to how much a person afflicted by tragedy can handle at the moment. You want to be helpful, not overbearing. But even if you feel like you’ve given all you’ve got already, you must realize that much of what you’ve said will not be remembered. It takes time for a person to begin to process the initial shock brought on by tragedy, and it will be a long road of ups and downs on the way to healing. You must recognize this and be willing to be there for the person as much as is appropriate for the long haul. You will have much more weeping, listening, praying, speaking, and questions to ask along the way. In fact, you will likely find yourself asking many of the same questions and saying many of the same things many times over again. But throughout the process of healing, God may be pleased to use you and your many interactions along the way to bring the person to salvation and/or to draw him closer to Himself…and you can rest assured that He will be at work in you for His good purposes as well.

We will continue to pray for those touched by the recent tragedies here in Camarillo, and that God will providentially be at work in these circumstances for His good purposes, using His own people to accomplish His will in the hearts and lives of men and women, boys and girls for His glory and for our good. If you find yourself in a position to be used by the Lord, may you find comfort in the fact that not one of us is adequate in and of himself, but through God and His word, we are “adequate, equipped for every good work” (2 Tim 3:17).

This may be a familiar expression whispered among children in Christian homes when dad and mom announce that it’s time to “gather ’round.” What kids don’t realize is that, while parents may not vocalize it, they have the very same angst about family devotion time. Especially for those parents who did not grow up in Christian homes (or grew up in Christian homes that didn’t do family devotions), this can be a very difficult or even dreadful activity. For those who have forged ahead and made it a regular habit, it may be somewhat easier, but few typically make it past a week or two before it fizzles out as the kids are sawing logs long before dad finishes his “brief” homily.

Why is something that is supposed to be so impactful often just the opposite? And why is something that the pastor makes sound so simple so hard? Why do dads who leave church on Sunday morning inspired to be leaders in their homes and moms who are starry-eyed about their husbands’ newfound zeal so frustrated by Monday evening? The basic answer to these questions is that there is simply a lack of understanding of what exactly you’re supposed to do for “family devotions.” You may see the value in family devotions, understand their impact, and be willing to invest the time, energy, and perseverance necessary to lead your family in this area. But every builder needs a set of blueprints and some tools in order to get started on a project, so let me walk you through a template for family devotions that I’ve come by through trial and error over the past several years.

1. Set a time to have family devotions. Schedules will differ from one family to the next, so find a time that works best for everyone. My kids are still young and we are all home at least three or four nights of the week, so we like to do it at bed time. Don’t be legalistic about this; learn to be regular but flexible. My rule of thumb is that, if we are home in the evening, we have what I call our ‘Bible Time.’ If we’re out, we skip it and simply say a quick prayer as a family before bed.

2. Read the Bible. This may sound like a no-brainer, but many parents with little children are afraid to read the Bible to them, thinking it will be over their heads. They look for the latest children’s story Bible, complete with pictures. I’m not saying that these are all bad, but there is something about reading the Scriptures just the way God had them written that is powerful. Maybe your kids don’t understand some things, but over time they will, and they will benefit most from hearing the pure, unaltered word of God from childhood (2 Tim. 3:15).

3. Use a devotional guide. This is not absolutely necessary, but it saves a lot of time in preparation and serves to keep your devotion times focused and interesting. A good devotional guide will list a passage of Scripture to read and provide some questions to ask your children. Some even provide a summary of the passage along with helpful illustrations. PVBC provides a weekly devotional that corresponds to what the children are taught in Sunday School, and as soon as it comes available from the publisher, we will have a daily devotion book. This can be an invaluable tool to help guide your family devotional time and follows the biblical pattern of the church coming alongside you as you bear the responsibility to “bring [your children] up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord” (Eph. 6:4). You will also find that your children will be more involved since they already know something about the passage you’re discussing. If your children are older, you can follow the same format, but make the question and answer time more of a discussion. For another great devotional guide resource, check out Long Story Short and Old Story New by Marty Machowski.

4. Pray. Avoid short, rote prayers. This does not mean that your prayers have to be super-long, drawn out supplications that put mom to sleep along with the kids, but use this time of prayer to model for your children how to pray. Pray through a couple of points from what you read and discussed in the Bible passage, thanking and praising God for who He is and what He’s done, and confessing any sins that the passage has exposed about your family. Ask God to give all of you a heart of love for Him, and obedience to Him, and pray specifically for your children’s salvation. Pray for your pastor and the elders of your church, and pick a “missionary of the month” to pray for. Finally, pray for one or two pressing needs in the lives of your family and your church family. This sounds like a lot, but if your prayer is focused it should not be longer than 5-10 minutes. Dad should lead in prayer, but it is good to include mom in the prayer time as well, and if your children are older, allow them to pray, too (perhaps assign them particular things to pray for).

5. Sing. Yes, sing! This may be the most intimidating part of the whole deal for some parents, but Scripture commands us to lift our hearts and voices to the Lord in praise and thanksgiving (e.g. Eph. 5:19; Col. 3:16), and we need to teach our children to be comfortable with doing this. Not only this, but Scripture states that singing to one another is a form of teaching, and so through singing we are teaching and reinforcing the truths of the gospel that we are seeking to instill in our children. This means that we need to be careful to make sure that the songs we choose are not merely silly children’s songs (although I’m all about some of these!), but that the bulk of the songs are filled with substance. This is a great opportunity to familiarize our children with the great hymns of the faith. I like to pick a “hymn of the month” and that way we sing one song enough times that our children come to know it well.

6. Keep the focus on the gospel. In everything you do, from what you emphasize in the Bible reading, to prayer, to the song you sing, keep the focus of your devotion time on the gospel. This will keep your family’s attention where it should be, exalting God for who He is and what He has done, and declaring our great need for Him and the salvation He offers in the finished work of Jesus Christ. This is what your children need to hear consistently, it is what you need to be reminded of regularly, and it will keep your devotion time from lapsing into a cold, moralistic routine.

There are many different ways to do a family devotion time; these are merely suggestions to help you get started. Some families get very creative and elaborate; some stick to the basics. I suggest you start with the template I’ve suggested and then begin to add elements or change them up however you see fit. One of the things that our family has added the past couple of years is ‘story time.’ We wanted our kids to enjoy reading, and kids love it when you read to them. We decided that, if we were careful about what we selected to read to them, we could not only encourage them to be readers themselves, but further reinforce their faith at the same time. Reading about a chapter per devotion time, we have gone through the Chronicles of Narnia, and now we’re working through the children’s version of The Pilgrim’s Progress. If your children are older, you could read more advanced books, or maybe take turns reading. Once you get started with a regular family devotion time, it is really quite exciting to begin to think of ways to improve it. Wherever you are with family devotions, I pray that these tips will help you and your children move from dread to delight the next time you call the family together.

Last time we noted David Wells’s astute observation that in our day and age, “if we’re not self directed we’ll be tumbled along by our culture…” Growing up in the desert I saw a lot of tumbleweeds, so I get a familiar visual when Wells uses the term “tumble.” In the same way tumbleweeds are blown whichever way the wind carries them, we 21st century American Christians are led about from one distraction to another…unless we’re “self-directed,” which a nice way of saying “self-disciplined.” In other words, if you don’t discipline yourself, you’re at the mercy of life’s distractions, and therefore the chances that you’ll have a consistent quiet time (or even one at all) are pretty slim.

Wells is on to something here that is biblical. In fact, it’s exactly what Paul told young Timothy: “discipline yourself for the purpose of godliness” (NASB). That word “discipline” or “train” (ESV) is where we get our English word gymnasium. It was a term used of athletes and it meant to run or train unhindered. Just as sports are popular in our day, the Greek games were a hit in Paul’s, and so he used athletic terminology to illustrate aspects of the Christian life. Several times he spoke of the Christian life as a race, and here he tells Timothy (and us by implication) that if we’re going to grow in Christ-likeness, it is going to take some spiritual sweat! We all understand how hard professional athletes work. They train relentlessly to be the best they can be, and this obviously takes discipline. They have rigorous routines which demand focus and sacrifice. This is the picture Paul is painting for us when it comes to the Christian life. He’s saying, “give it all you’ve got in order to be more like Christ!” If we were honest, the fact of the matter is that we typically give it our leftovers – after the distractions of life have drained us dry.

So what is the first step in having a consistent and productive quiet time? Get disciplined! Yes, it’s really that simple. Set a time. Set a place. And then discipline yourself to make it happen. Of course, there’s more to it than that. But it’s the place to start.