When approaching certain subjects in student ministries, we have the tendency to jump to the practical–the stuff that we can grab a hold of. The subject of relationships is definitely one of these. Let’s be honest: the minute students hear the word ‘relationship’ every ear in the room suddenly perks up. Everybody immediately thinks of ‘dating’–and they immediately get excited about receiving answers as to how they can venture into these mysterious waters with God’s sanctified blessing. Those who teach on this subject are often just as zealous, and they either begin to declare with dogmatic certainty that it’s God’s will for you to “Kiss Dating Goodbye,” or they step out on shaky ground and provide some cautious “practical wisdom” (that, in reality, they themselves are not quite sure about). The reason for this is that the Bible does not say a whole lot about ‘dating.’ In fact, it doesn’t say anything about what is typically called ‘dating’–the idea of hanging out exclusively with someone of the opposite sex, just “having fun” for an indefinite period of time with no real intentions for the future. Nor does it give a systematic program for “courting” (an idea that has gained almost canonical status in some evangelical circles). This is why many youth leaders are either dogmatic or sheepish about the subject: they really don’t know what they’re talking about! Believe me–I’ve been one of them.

What I’ve found through the years is that we just have to accept the fact that the Bible is not a textbook for dating. Instead, the Bible views this sort of thing within the broader rubric of relationships, and it certainly has a lot to say about relationships of all sorts. In fact, the Bible is a relational book written by a relational God to relational people who were created in His image. As I often tell students, theology matters. And the reason relationships and even marriages are oftentimes such train wrecks, even in the church, is because we put the proverbial cart before the horse-we want to jump into something sacred before we think God’s thoughts after Him and develop deep convictions which help guide us. It’s no mystery why we do this; it is because relationships are bound up with feelings, and it is so easy to let our feelings direct us rather than our minds. And typically, we’re young when we start to be interested in this sort of thing, and therefore we are what the book of Proverbs calls “simple” or “naive.” What we’re in need of in this condition is wisdom.

Now, I never seek to talk down to young people, but I do know from experience that I did not know what I now know when I was fifteen (it’s okay if you need to read that sentence again). Being simple or naive is not a bad thing unless you are unwilling to listen to wisdom (the Bible calls that person is a fool). But the wise man was not born wise; he became wise by listening to the instruction given to him. Now, as we approach the subject of wisdom, we must remember that it is knowing how to rightly apply knowledge. So we must not think that we can simply fill our heads up with knowledge. We must get knowledge but then we must apply it to life. But let’s back up even further. The knowledge that one needs in order to apply wisdom is rooted in right theology. What we believe about God and what God requires of us is the knowledge we need in order to have godly wisdom. What people tend to do is to start with what they believe to be wisdom they have gained from the masses of voices who are all too eager to speak into their lives. This advice may or may not be sound, but it’s usually a hodgepodge of biblical wisdom and something they heard from Dr. Phil, and that is a cocktail fit for disaster! So what I would like us to do is wade into this vast subject of relationships by looking first at the theology behind it before we go and start laying down principles of wisdom derived out of so-called sanctified common sense. And to begin, I want us to take a closer look at our relational God.

Genesis 1:27 tells us that God made man in His own image, and so what I have grown to realize is that if we want to know more about ourselves–especially our relationships–we should not start with ourselves, but with God. The more we learn about God, the more we learn about ourselves. Obviously I’m not saying that we are gods, but I am saying what the Bible says – that we are made in God’s image, and so it makes sense to try to understand what God is like if we are to know what we are like. In doing so, we learn that there are ways in which we are indeed like God, and there are also many ways in which we are not like Him. We need to keep in mind that whenever we see likenesses between ourselves and God they are just that–likenesses. We are not God, and we will never possess the qualities that make us like Him to the degree that He does.

With that in mind, let’s begin at the beginning, in Genesis 1:1: “In the beginning God…” It is interesting to note that the Bible doesn’t have a dust cover with an “About the Author” section on the back flap. It doesn’t tell us where He came from or give us His credentials for being God–it just states matter-of-factly, God… What we know about God is revealed to us throughout the pages of Scripture, and it is not typically given in textbook style; we typically get to know about God by reading about how He has acted in the past. This is what we see in Genesis 1:1. Before there was time, before there was anything else, God was, and He created all things out of nothing. Well, we don’t find much likeness to God in this description–we are not self-existent beings who have the power to create things out of nothing! We are part of His creation. But, when we fast-forward to the creation of man we see that we are made in His image, and it is here that we begin to learn more about God. The first thing we learn about God in regard to relationship is that God’s creation of man in his own image reflects his relational nature. The pronoun that God uses in v. 26 – “Let Us make man in Our image” (emphasis added) tells us much about His nature. Deuteronomy 6:4 states clearly that God is one, and yet right here, in the first chapter of the Bible, we learn that there is more than one Person within the one God. This is the first reference to what Scripture reveals more fully in its progressive revelation as the Trinity–that God is three in one. The Old Testament eludes to this truth throughout, although not explicitly. Take Psalm 45:6–7 for example: “Your throne, O God, is forever and ever; a scepter of uprightness is the scepter of Your kingdom. You have loved righteousness and hated wickedness; therefore God, Your God, has anointed You with the oil of joy above Your fellows.” Here there are two individuals who are being called God, and the writer of Hebrews tells us that these two who are called God are the Father and the Son (Heb. 1:8). In Isaiah 48:16, we see three individuals speaking: “Come near to Me, listen to this: from the first I have not spoken in secret, from the time it took place, I was there. And now the Lord God has sent Me, and His Spirit.” Here we have “Me,” which seems in this passage to be the Messiah; we have the “Lord God,” which is obviously the Father; and we have the “Spirit.” In the NT, we see this truth very explicitly. At the baptism of Jesus, for instance, we see Jesus coming up out of the water, the Holy Spirit descending like a dove, and a voice (obviously the Father’s voice) from heaven (Matt. 3:13-17). We see it very clearly in the baptismal formula of the Great Commission (Matt. 28:19): “Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.” Each of these three individuals is said to be God; each is to receive worship, and yet God is one.

Now, this is how it usually goes when we talk about the Trinity. It is such a heady subject that we typically do a systematic Bible survey and wind up analyzing the Triune God as if He were some sort of scientific experiment! Don;t misunderstand me. I’m not saying it’s not necessary to diligently search the Scriptures systematically, not at all. But we can’t stop there. Once we’ve reached the conclusion concerning what the Bible teaches about a certain subject, we have to look deeply at what the implications of it are. I fear that the Trinity is something we sort of set on the back burner. We affirm it and we dare not disbelieve it, but it’s just so mind-boggling that we don’t think about it much. But this is who God is, and this is the God whom we worship, and this is the God in whose image and likeness we were created! We learn a lot about ourselves from the Trinity, and perhaps the most important thing we learn is that the reason we are relational beings is because God, by His very nature is relational! You see, if we study Scripture closely, we get to peek in on the inner working of the Trinity, and here in Genesis 1:26, we see the three Persons of the Triune God conversing about the creation of man! There are many snapshots of this relationship throughout the Gospel of John. In John 14, Jesus said that He was going away, but that He would send “another Helper,” – the Holy Spirit to His disciples. You remember Jesus’ high priestly prayer in John 17, where He is speaking directly to the Father. In that prayer we see not only a sharing of glory between the Father and the son, but a sharing of love.

You see, God is relational by His very nature; He is three Persons in one God, three relational Persons who communicate and share in perfect harmony and love. And further, we learn that within this perfect relationship of unity there is a distinction of roles. Throughout the Gospel of John it is clear that although Jesus and the Father are one, Jesus submits to the Father and seeks to bring glory to Him. Jesus constantly made it a point to state that He was speaking only the words and doing only the works which the Father had given Him. He said in John 8:29, “…I always do the things that are pleasing to Him.” He said in v. 26 of the same chapter, “But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all that I said to you.” He said in  John 15:26, “When the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, that is the Spirit of truth who proceeds from the Father, He will testify about Me.” In all of this, as we see in v. 14, the Spirit’s role is not to glorify Himself, but to glorify Christ. Now, in 1 Corinthians 11:3 Paul notes the theological truth that “Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.” “Head” is speaking of authority; this passage is teaching that the role distinctions between men and women are rooted in the roles of the Persons of the Trinity. In fact, as the revelation of Scripture progresses we see that the dynamics all of our relationships are rooted in the nature of God. All of this understanding is huge for us because we see that God is a Personal God because He relates to Himself within His Triunity.

A second thing we learn about God in regard to relationship, which follows from the fact that His creation of man in His own image expresses His relational nature is the fact that God’s creation of man was not necessary for His fulfillment. Basically, what we’re saying here is that God does not need us because He has perfect fellowship with Himself. In other words, creating man did not make God a relational being; His very nature is relational, and He had perfect relationship within His Triunity. This is why we, who are His image-bearers are relational persons as well, and this is one of the reasons why He made us male and female, in order to be a true image of Him: a unity of diversity, equal in essence yet differing in roles and existing in relationship with one another. This part of God’s nature is called His aseity by theologians, which is from a Latin root means “from oneself.” This is the doctrine of God’s self-existence. But His Triune nature reveals that He is also a personal God. This is one of the primary differences between the god of Islam, “Allah” and the one, true God. Allah is not presented as a Triune God, but merely one god, and therefore He is not the one, true, personal, relational God of the Bible.

Hopefully this brief survey has helped you to see that when we understand God better, we understand ourselves better. We are relational beings because we are made in the image of the relational God. This is the first and foremost bedrock piece of theology we need in order to properly understand relationships. In the next post we’ll endeavor to build upon that foundation…